I learn a lot about myself when songwriting. Mostly, I learn my insecurity. Will they understand it, will they get it, will they like it, is it fast enough, does it drag on, it isn't good enough, it isn't good, etc. I think songwriting is supposed to feel like this though. If it is easy, if each song comes without any pain or work, then you aren't really discovering yourself, thus no one will discover themselves through your music.
There has been a strange feeling for the last few days, weeks, that I'm deciding to take a route for music. It is weird deciding something. Obviously, none of this would be possible first without God's infinite grace, and second fans pushing you along. But nonetheless there is a decision to take a leap, to dive head first into the clouds, and hope you catch a breeze that will carry you through to somewhere, wherever that somewhere may be.
I have also noticed the mystery of songwriting. When you don't have that first sparkle that catches your eye and leads you to a hit, when you don't have that sudden burst of "I have to write this," there is a lot of time taken up by wondering what will catch you. And, there is a reaction that comes from this wondering; you open up a net. You open up a net waiting to catch that idea floating somewhere inside, but ironically you have a guard that says "nope, not good enough, let's wait for the next one." If you let yourself wait, if you let yourself try to catch the one that will thrust you into songwriter heaven, you miss out on a lot of songs you didn't know existed. At least that is what I've discovered.
I've spent the last couple days in Starbucks (not my coffee of choice mind you, but good enough to lose yourself in a coffee shop daze for a few hours) soaking. Youtube, blogs, interviews, live videos, iTunes have all kept me company while I try and let inspiration flow freely into my net. I've had a great time enjoying a process (one thing I have a terribly hard time with). I have beef with processes. I'm very used to the right nows, but a lot of the last year has been real and ripe with "process." I'm in the process of learning to love the process. But, also hating processed foods, for what it's worth.
I know there is a shine that will capture me, but it is the in-between that we mostly wade through. For me right now, I'm in the thick of it.
I am in kahoots with some pretty awesome players, and we plan on releasing an EP early this summer. There is time, but is the time on my side is where my thoughts seem to land today. God willing, time won't be a factor. This just might be the beginning.